Conscientious

(1 enters the doorway. Seems chipper and excited, if not a bit nervous. DEVIL and ANGEL approach)

ANGEL: O.M. Gosh! How did it go?

DEVIL: Yeah my man! How was it?

1: Good. I think it went well.

DEVIL: What makes you think that?

1: She laughed at my joke about the porcupine

DEVIL: Like a real laugh or a courtesy laugh?

1: I think it was real

ANGEL: That’s good! Being funny is one of your strong suits. You’re very clever!

DEVIL: When did it go downhill?

ANGEL: How do you know it went downhill?

DEVIL: Just look at ’em! Not the most attractive pick of the litter for sure.

ANGEL: It’s what’s on the inside the counts and you know that, meanie!

DEVIL: Don’t be naive. This is America and the outside it all that counts. At least, at first. No one wants to get to know the REAL you until you’re pretty

ANGEL: The RIGHT person can see past the superficial and-

1: I texted her

ANGEL&DEVIL: What the hell?

1: I texted her?

ANGEL: I heard you. Why?

1: I just said I enjoyed the date and wanted to do it again sometime

ANGEL: (beat) You damned fool

1: What?!

ANGEL: You can’t be so eager. You look desperate.

1: I am desperate

ANGEL: I know but you can’t let THEM know that

DEVIL: You mucked it all up again.

1: That’s not true!

DEVIL: Did she text you back?

(Pause)

1: Well not yet. I just sent it.

DEVIL: If you were a priority to her she’d have responded already

ANGEL: She is a human person with her own whole life. Be considerate of her. It’s not all about you. (beat) has she responded yet?

1: No. (beat) She’s probably busy.

ANGEL: Right! You guys have been talking for weeks! I’m sure she’ll text back

DEVIL: Or she won’t

ANGEL: But she could

DEVIL: But she won’t

ANGEL: What makes you so sure?

DEVIL: Allow me to pose a query. (To 1)

1: Ok…

DEVIL: How many dates have you been on in the last 3 years?

1: I mean… a good few.

DEVIL: How many were first dates?

1: Well…

DEVIL: How many, pray tell, have led to a second date?

ANGEL: (chiming in) You just haven’t found the right one yet.

DEVIL: Not everyone gets a happy ending, you know.

ANGEL: You’re a good person! Good things come to those who wait!

DEVIL: (to ANGEL) Every word from your mouth is an empty platitude.

1: Maybe he’s right.

DEVIL: Exactly. I am. And you need to accept the fact that maybe, just maybe, none of them will text back. Maybe you’ll just be alone.

1: Is that a bad thing?

(1’s cell phone receives a text. Blackout.)